literature

Our Tranquil Abyss - Chapter 2

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Salioka-chan's avatar
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Literature Text

Title: Our Tranquil Abyss
Genre: Romance Fluff / Angst
Updates: Will very upon Popularity.



The light was unbearable when I first woke, immediately I had to close my eyes at the glare of what I guessed to be the afternoon sun. My body ached, with every breath my lungs burned and every little movement sent shivers of pain down my spine. My throat was parched and felt like it was on fire, licking my lips with a wet tongue I twitched my fingers.

  Soon I became more aware of my surroundings, what I lay on felt to be sand, not your average sand but really fine and almost soft in a way. The air was cooler then I had expected for the afternoon, slowly I tried to open my eyes.

They were dry, and I had to blink a few times to clear my vision. No, it wasn’t the sun but the reflection of light that lit up the entire cave. The walls seemed to be made of a glittering material that allowed the light to bounce, though I couldn’t really say what it was...

With a grunt of effort I tried to sit up, at first I could summon no strength. But I kept trying and eventually I sat up slowly, resting my weight on my hands.

I looked around a little more, there was a small fire burning in the back of the cave, I guess that’s where the light came from. The smoke escaped through the top from a small hole, it was big enough for the smoke but not big enough to see through.

I couldn’t see any other entrances besides that, water seemed to gather into pools around the cave. Leaning forwards I could tell most were shallow but there was one or two that looked really deep, as if they were connected to the ocean......the ocean.....that word rung many alarms in my head, but my memories too foggy to realize why.

Frustrated I sighed and looked down, flushing I noticed at that moment, I was wearing some sort of odd, two-piece fish scale garment.  Looking back towards the fire, I saw my clothes lay on the ground beside it.

Groaning I flopped back down onto my back, it hurt too much to move anymore, it hurt too much to even think.
I felt exhausted, looking up at the ceiling I watched the light play across it. This way and that it chased itself all over the roof. Though it bothered me, something didn’t feel quite right; as if I shouldn’t be here at all...wait.

The ocean! This wasn’t true, right?! My eyes widened in realisation. It’s all just a dream, yes it had to be a dream!  I was supposed to die, I picked the perfect location! There was no one around for miles. So why, why was I still here?

Who could’ve possibly saved me? Who would want to save me...Tears prickled at the edge of my vision, it was so unfair. In all my life I wasn’t allowed any of the pleasures of life. And now even the sweet release of death is taken from me!? It just wasn’t fair.

A broken sob tore from his body. The tears flowed freely from his crimson eyes.  His mind ran in circles as he cried. His cracked voice echoed through the small cave, he shut his eyes and rolled over on his front. There he hid his head in his arms and cried to himself. Eventually his exhaustion had won and he fell into a deep sleep.


-----


Water splashed from somewhere beside me, I didn’t have the will to respond as a wet hand touched my forehead. Even if I wanted to respond, I wouldn’t have been able to. I had no energy, I couldn’t even move my fingers. I was at the total mercy of the other, I wished that they would just throw me into one of the deep pools of water and let me drown. Though some part of me wanted to know why they had saved me.

On the other hand this person could be someone completely different than the one who had saved me. They could be someone who had just happened by the cave, it couldn’t be ruled out even if I saw no definite entrance.

The other rolled me over onto my back softly, and placed a wet cloth on my forehead. It was soothing it was only then I noticed my body felt it was on fire. I heard the other move somewhere then return.

‘He’? propped me up against himself. I couldn’t be sure but the chest and arms sure felt like a guys’. I sat against him limply only held in place by his arm. I groaned a little at the pain that came with being moved, he had made soothing sounds as he gently rocked me back and forth to comfort me.

The soft sound of water came to my ears and a small cup was raised to my lips. Instinctively my tongue poked out of my mouth and tasted the water. It was a cold and tasted really sweet.  At first I took small sips, then soon before long the water was gone. I made a sort of whining sound for more.

The other chuckled a little from this action, the vibrations of his deep voice ran into me. He had a nice laugh, sort of like bells if you had to place it. He scooped up more water and held it to my lips once more, this process was repeated a few times before I was overcome by the need for sleep.

He just held me after I had my fill, he rubbed my arms slowly to warm me. My body slowly relaxed into his at this gesture.  I felt safe here like this, as if the evil of the world couldn’t reach this place.  But before I lost consciousness I made a sort of promise to myself, once I could move again of my own free will I would leave this place and find a better spot, somewhere for sure no one would ever find.

I assured myself that I would die in the end, this thought let my mind drift easily into sleep. A small smile formed upon my lips and I let out a contented sigh.

- End of Chapter Two.
Chapter one - [link]

Chapter three - [link]

Okay...umm....
can you all tell me how this made you feel, if anything.
I know when I read a good story I feel as the story feels. So I want to know.

I realize I still have a long way to go and such to learn how to make a good story but right now I need your opinions.

Also is it moving too fast, or too slow? I like a drawn out story as much as the next person but if it's too slow then it gets boring yet if it's too fast then it's not worth reading so...

Your opinions please?

P.S yes it's a guy/guy fluff please don't judge me, also no flames please. I know many of my watchers don't like this kinda thing and I apologize on this account.
I'm really sorry everyone.... TT mTT
Comments6
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TigerDezy's avatar
I rather liked this. If you write more, I'd read them.

This person actually doesn't annoy me as much as most angsty leads, and later on I assume we'll at least get a clue as to why the main is so... erm... messed up?
The last two sentences, I think, had the reverse effect on me. After a moment of a blank confusion, I kind of laughed. I feel like a jerk now. D:

I think that switching between the 'he' and the 'me' is a little confusing. Maybe there's a way to kind of... separate the two so it gives the reader a kind of 'heads up' on the point-of-view changes? As the reader, having "I am" in one paragraph and then "He is" in the next is a little confusing. At least for me. ^^;

Good luck with your writing. If it's something you enjoy, keep it up.